I hung up
my life was slowly going
nowhere
and I wondered where the
time went
I had a vague feeling that
I’d been
screwed by life
by everything
so I walked out of there
heard the
epiphany
in my head
said
goodbye on my part
all stopped abruptly
while death trembled
to take me
(c) Caitlin C.
goodbye is only we’ll see
when I sat up you were
there, waiting for me
and I shadowed the
smile on your face
so now we both smile
with each other
a wave that rolls
around a bank
there is still the sand of the country
in your toes
the sun, the
poverty,
and clicking bugs you
avoid as you step
I am the clean pavement
a luxury
I crush
roaches
squeal in motion with the
water
this wave has
rolled right over
your sobered eyes
are still squinting
I can almost see the
crows feet
it breaks
and crashes
on the shore
(c) Caitlin Crowley
there, waiting for me
and I shadowed the
smile on your face
so now we both smile
with each other
a wave that rolls
around a bank
there is still the sand of the country
in your toes
the sun, the
poverty,
and clicking bugs you
avoid as you step
I am the clean pavement
a luxury
I crush
roaches
squeal in motion with the
water
this wave has
rolled right over
your sobered eyes
are still squinting
I can almost see the
crows feet
it breaks
and crashes
on the shore
(c) Caitlin Crowley
I don’t know, please
why do I clean the messy
rat-tails in the evening
when all I want to do is
lie in the cluttered piles of
papers with your name and smell
steam blend with your hair
the shy girl never fades away,
your desperate friend forgiving our speechless grip
there are moonlit nights when my voice is raspy and
I am awake and jeering
there it is
the ugly reminder of what happened to us
I’m shaking my fist at some
sick cusp of reality
you’ll never know that
I keep these things on a
lockdown with the key burnt dead
we could be wasting time
together
but instead you fish sadness from
the pools of your eyes and I waste it
alone
don’t
leave, don’t turn away
just stay, just be here
one time is all
I have courage to ask for
(c) Caitlin C.
rat-tails in the evening
when all I want to do is
lie in the cluttered piles of
papers with your name and smell
steam blend with your hair
the shy girl never fades away,
your desperate friend forgiving our speechless grip
there are moonlit nights when my voice is raspy and
I am awake and jeering
there it is
the ugly reminder of what happened to us
I’m shaking my fist at some
sick cusp of reality
you’ll never know that
I keep these things on a
lockdown with the key burnt dead
we could be wasting time
together
but instead you fish sadness from
the pools of your eyes and I waste it
alone
don’t
leave, don’t turn away
just stay, just be here
one time is all
I have courage to ask for
(c) Caitlin C.
this strange name graffiti
so you scraped your name
into the wood
on this table
i’m sitting at
why
the
hell
would you do that?
and on the door
on my
way out
somewhere else-
there it was again!
you have a knack for
irrelevant graffiti
and
damn,
your name seems to be
wherever I go
(c) Caitlin C.
into the wood
on this table
i’m sitting at
why
the
hell
would you do that?
and on the door
on my
way out
somewhere else-
there it was again!
you have a knack for
irrelevant graffiti
and
damn,
your name seems to be
wherever I go
(c) Caitlin C.
"We don’t notice any time pass" and "the abstract pelvis"
I can’t relate
I can’t relate
and sometimes I just
miss everything we were
I want to tell you everything
but I don’t
want to scare you away
stay here
with me together
You are the flash of sun under my eyelids
A tea light’s kiss of flame
I wish my bones could show
you the sky
And each hole show you
the moon
instead of this flesh that
I rot with my own eyes
Rocking back and forth on my heels I see
girls with skintight
faces and no room
to breathe
flowing before me,
I know my eyes
are rolled back
like their heads
eating away at me
eating
burning myself with the
hot tip of
gritting teeth
splitting hairs
shrinking muscles in my
arms, end
this cry of my
stupid ignorant soul
(c) Caitlin C.
I can’t relate
and sometimes I just
miss everything we were
I want to tell you everything
but I don’t
want to scare you away
stay here
with me together
You are the flash of sun under my eyelids
A tea light’s kiss of flame
I wish my bones could show
you the sky
And each hole show you
the moon
instead of this flesh that
I rot with my own eyes
Rocking back and forth on my heels I see
girls with skintight
faces and no room
to breathe
flowing before me,
I know my eyes
are rolled back
like their heads
eating away at me
eating
burning myself with the
hot tip of
gritting teeth
splitting hairs
shrinking muscles in my
arms, end
this cry of my
stupid ignorant soul
(c) Caitlin C.
it’s just that sometimes I feel
I felt the blood
spreading and cracking over
my arms and legs
it was warm like
skin
and I felt it inside without
a pulse, it sat and
waited like
a constricting scarf
on my waist
on my chest
all along my body,
it was wrapped
and his breathing corpse felt
weary and wrongly tied my
wrists to the ground
struggling out a
sputtering, wet cough
never finishing this thing we left
unsaid, and everything unraveled
things were over and
not one thing had happened
inconclusive, our bodies lay
moonlit and mangled and
we never knew
(c) Caitlin C.
Heart of a lusty survivor
They were puzzled
and lists poured from their faces
reasoning why and how
but certainly never
who
they pondered the
Stabs in the lungs
And words after the last breath
there seemed to be specialists
in every trade
but try as they might
they couldn’t explain
bed sores from a terrible
dream and a soul
that readily would
palpitate
for no one in particular they
dissected
no one in particular thought of
respect
the heart laid on a table
smelling like scent of regret
shook as it undressed its remains
for nothing but one struck-
one embrace and forget
a last minute
love, and a
speechless transplant
(c) Caitlin C.
and lists poured from their faces
reasoning why and how
but certainly never
who
they pondered the
Stabs in the lungs
And words after the last breath
there seemed to be specialists
in every trade
but try as they might
they couldn’t explain
bed sores from a terrible
dream and a soul
that readily would
palpitate
for no one in particular they
dissected
no one in particular thought of
respect
the heart laid on a table
smelling like scent of regret
shook as it undressed its remains
for nothing but one struck-
one embrace and forget
a last minute
love, and a
speechless transplant
(c) Caitlin C.
mind games are for one player
i am
speeding on a
white train to nowhere
i want my voice
while your
head
screams of
confusion
i want words you
see, alighted in smoke
i want ashes on your pillowcase,
sprinting in a circle
crying out emotion!
i want
you can
look in my head
i put you there to be
alone with me
so we blind reality
curtains on our eyes
mirrored faces in the grave-
slope of a crevassed brain encased-
not even a haze can show through
i am speeding
but it’s getting me
nowhere
somehow i am you
(c) Caitlin C.
speeding on a
white train to nowhere
i want my voice
while your
head
screams of
confusion
i want words you
see, alighted in smoke
i want ashes on your pillowcase,
sprinting in a circle
crying out emotion!
i want
you can
look in my head
i put you there to be
alone with me
so we blind reality
curtains on our eyes
mirrored faces in the grave-
slope of a crevassed brain encased-
not even a haze can show through
i am speeding
but it’s getting me
nowhere
somehow i am you
(c) Caitlin C.
Speaking of those who copy John Lennon
The amazing think about life is: you can do pretty much whatever you want. Albeit, somethings will get you killed, like if you decide to try and fly, or swim in a pond filled with particularily pissed-off pirahnas. But my main point is, I can do what I want. And today I've decided to take a risk and put two, count 'em, two posts on my blog. What now?
It seems like every day
I write about the past
It gets worse and
You get
Worse
and my friends
Swear about the
ugly boys who broke their heart
and I smile and
Think
About
You
for a while,
and defend your every
move
even the moves
that seemed play out like wizard chess
and crush me as such
but friends don’t understand
everything
especially when they all care more
about their own lives and
secret love
for sheep-dog
Asian boys
so while I cynically comment
on your life
and all
I usually just smile
and write about
the past
that keeps getting worse
as the future looks better
(c) Caitlin C.
It seems like every day
I write about the past
It gets worse and
You get
Worse
and my friends
Swear about the
ugly boys who broke their heart
and I smile and
Think
About
You
for a while,
and defend your every
move
even the moves
that seemed play out like wizard chess
and crush me as such
but friends don’t understand
everything
especially when they all care more
about their own lives and
secret love
for sheep-dog
Asian boys
so while I cynically comment
on your life
and all
I usually just smile
and write about
the past
that keeps getting worse
as the future looks better
(c) Caitlin C.
if you have to ask, you'll never know
we are in the burning prairie
dying in the burning prairie
as evil girls with brown
curls cry about the jello in their hair
and the chlorine in their brain
accustomed to a
stalkerish following and
a need for dirty
fingernails
what doesn’t make sense
what only makes you feel
and you’re not sure if that’s ok
or if you’re ok
or what ok really means
but if we sit together in these flames
and die holding hands cracked with cold
we can’t be forgotten
you won’t even remember
the time, it’ll go faster
as we breathe with the heat
when we’re among this ranting
spur of characters
who want us to live
who lead us to die
(c) Caitlin C.
dying in the burning prairie
as evil girls with brown
curls cry about the jello in their hair
and the chlorine in their brain
accustomed to a
stalkerish following and
a need for dirty
fingernails
what doesn’t make sense
what only makes you feel
and you’re not sure if that’s ok
or if you’re ok
or what ok really means
but if we sit together in these flames
and die holding hands cracked with cold
we can’t be forgotten
you won’t even remember
the time, it’ll go faster
as we breathe with the heat
when we’re among this ranting
spur of characters
who want us to live
who lead us to die
(c) Caitlin C.
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